He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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