she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
