Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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