Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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