so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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