the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I'm really busy with my period
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