remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
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