sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
