Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Drake has all the answers
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
