An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
