After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
