i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
