i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
