Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
