I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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