who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
