JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
