I hope mine doesn't look like that
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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