I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
