I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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