you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I need help removing her.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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