i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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