He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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