apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
