He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
last night I used snow as a chaser
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
