take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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