rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
