dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
