I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
