May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
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