I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
