I should be sponsored by Trojan
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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