While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
