Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
