I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Randomize
