I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
