What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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