i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
