So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
