Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
