I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
