his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
