it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
