This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
