I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
