Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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