Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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