dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
