I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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