He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
