Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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