I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
