you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
