I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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