I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
