You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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