You're a womanizer and a bitch.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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