He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
