This dress was meant to end up on your floor
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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