alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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