i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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