I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize