i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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