My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
