You smell like stripper and shame
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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