I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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