We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
