so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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