wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize