yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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